Archive for October, 2014

1 year project

I am going to do my 1 year project again with Cleo, like I did with Rosa. It is a shame I never had the idea with Charlie 😦 I am actually running three projects at once, so that I will have three examples at the end….a bit ambitious actually!

We’ve had a very stressful first week as little lady was re-admitted for jaundice. We’re home again now, and still managed to capture her 1 week photo amidst all the drama.

cleo 2

Ooooh sparkly letters for 2 weeks old 🙂 Starting to think about Christmas here, I will be designing some new headbands for this year, and I have a new little model to try them out on.

cleo 2

I promise I will update with lovely photos of the children meeting their sister for the first time soon. We have had a rather difficult 2nd week also with Cleo doing a weird choking on her milk thing during the night…as well as me getting mastitis and also suffering with a very weird sleep paralysis thing where I wake up but can’t move! I am happy as can be, but I do keep getting hit with setbacks on this road to feeling well physically and mentally again….I also seem to have lost the sensation of needing a wee. I can go all day without ‘going’ until I think I probably ought to go. The midwife is coming tomorrow so shall talk these new problems through with her.

Yesterday we had a newborn photo shoot. I can’t wait to see the photos! She was very clever in her posing of Cleo. I am glad I paid for it (heavily reduced as she is a friend and I am making her photo props).


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Re-admission for jaundice

So after a few days of being home and enjoying our new baby we had a routine midwife visit. I knew Cleo looked a bit yellow, but on this day, she was very very sleepy, and not feeding very well.

The midwife took a look at her and said she was the most yellow baby she had ever seen and referred us straight away to the hospital where they ran some blood tests. She was quite a bit above the treatment line for photo-therapy and thankfully below the treatment line for transfusion.

We were admitted to the NICU. There my tiny newborn baby was taken off me, stripped naked down to a nappy, rather roughly strapped a pair of eye protection glasses onto her and placed her into a light box. She was screaming. I was told I could touch her as long as I didn’t cover any skin, but that I must not pick her up. I was allowed to take her out for feeding, but no longer than 20 mins at a time, and they preferred the intervals to be more than 2 hours.


So I stood next to that light box for the whole night stroking her face, singing to her, trying to make her feel like I was holding her. She cried from midnight to 4am when she finally gave in and fell asleep. She kept stirring and I managed to pacify her with a dummy….a dummy I said I would never give before 6 weeks old.


We tried desperately to find someone to stay over night with the older children so that Stacy could stay with us. My Mum had a cold, my Dad is useless, Stacy’s parents had some lame excuse about having to work the power point projector at church that evening.

I sobbed and sobbed at lack of support. I cried all alone in that room with my distressed baby.

By the morning, I could no longer sit down. The stitches in my episiotomy were so swollen and so bulging, the pain was immense. The staff came into the room to find me crying and asked what was wrong. When I explained my pain, they did the best they could to help me by finding me some ice and some cloths.

When Stacy came back, she let me lay on the bed. I slept for some time, but Cleo remained under the lights for the rest of the day. She spent a full 24 hours under the lights in total before her bloods came down low enough to stop the treatment. Thankfully, she was much more settled during the day time (she ALWAYS sleeps better in the day!)

When I was finally allowed to take her out, the feeling of joy were overpowering. I was allowed to hold and cuddle my baby! I will never take that for granted ever again believe you me! They kept us in for another day though monitoring her bloods and checking that the levels continued to go down rather than rise again. Thankfully they did still go down, and were were allowed home.

She is still quite yellow (day 13) and tomorrow we have another midwife appointment. They did say to me that if the jaundice was still there on day 14 that we would be referred back to the hospital. I am so nervous about that happening. Stacy goes back to work on Tuesday for a start! I can’t emotionally go through any more photo-therapy treatment either….it might break me. My midwife has diagnosed me with post traumatic stress following the birth and the re-admission. It is going to take me a while to recover mentally.

Please keep your fingers crossed tomorrow that we are not re-admitted. Even more blood tests might break me 😦

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Cleo’s Birth Story

I went in to be induced on the 13/10/14 which was also my 30th birthday! We had celebrated the day before with presents, cake and family time, so it didn’t matter that I was going into hospital on this day…I just hoped that we wouldn’t share a birthday and that she got to have her own.

We were booked in for 2pm and after a nervous morning we headed off excitedly to the hospital. We were greeted by the staff and taken to our room. We had been given a lovely side room with a nice window.
They started the process with lots of monitoring. They put the trace on and monitored her heartbeat and for any tightenings. I had been having tightenings for 12 days before the induction, and they were registering on the monitor, it all looked good and favourable!

The midwife came in and discussed the options. We went for a 24 hour propess pessary and then put it in. I immediately started having regular tightenings. I went to the loo and accidently tugged on the string that hangs out….they decided as I was reacting to it, it must still be in place.
I had some dinner and they were coming nice and regularly and were getting progressively more uncomfortable. I went on a ball and found the best position was leaning against the bed. Stacy sat behind me and rubbed my back and pressed on some acupressure points we had researched which helped a lot with the pains. The midwife suggested a bath and we spent an hour in there which was very nice.
At about midnight, the contractions were getting very painful and were also very close together. The midwife began to get worried I was being over stimulated by the drugs and decided to remove the propess. From this point on they became progressively less strong and further apart until about 5am when they had stopped altogether. Stacy climbed into bed with me and we dosed and slept until the morning. We were feeling very frustrated…but after an exam, it was determined I had progressed and was 3cm dilated with a very soft and very flat cervix.
At 8am a doctor came to see me and after her exam she decided to give me a different drug called prostin. This was put in after some more monitoring of the baby. We went for a walk around the hospital, we had a spot of lunch and a snooze and some more monitoring…but nada. Pretty much no tightenings at all in the whole time period.
At 3.20pm the midwife offered to give me a sweep. I thought how is that going to help when drugs are doing nothing? But accepted it. It was very uncomfortable as the drugs had made my cervix very sensitive indeed. We were put on the list to be transferred to the delivery suite where they planned to break my waters. Pretty much straight after the sweep the contractions were back, and they were painful and they were regular! Who would have thought that after all that a sweep would be the thing to get me going!
At 4.20pm I was transferred to the delivery suite. As we walked into my room, the window was open, and I could hear children playing in the playground below the window. I began to cry. I had a pang of missing my 2 current children, I was scared and nervous of what was about to happen. They offered to close the window for me, I said no, leave it open…..
The contractions continued to get more painful. At 5.40pm they broke my waters. This ended up being a bit dramatic as I had a LOT of fluid and the cord came down below the head. As soon as they went, the midwife panicked a bit and asked Stacy to buzz for another midwife. When she arrived she asked her to apply fundal pressure from the top of my bump, trying to get the head into the pelvis. The midwife had her hand up me, pushing it above the head. Luckily they had given me gas and air in case I needed it, and I took deep breaths of it and managed to totally float away from the situation. She got me to stand up to try and get the head to come down into the pelvis and therefore below the cord. I had to stand for quite a while with her hand up me, contracting, and they also were struggling to find the heartbeat at this time! I was so scared until they finally found it. They were finally happy to remove her hand and the relief was immense.
They were keen to keep continuously monitoring me and so I was laying on the bed on my back using the gas and air. I wasn’t coping too well with the pain and Stacy suggested moving to the ball again which I did. It was much more manageable in this position, but my midwife wasn’t happy about it as it was harder to keep a good trace (she was having to hold the thing on my tummy to keep the trace) She also had another woman in another room and she felt she couldn’t leave me whilst I was on the ball.
I asked to go to the toilet and whilst in there had 2 contractions without the gas and air and they were horrific! Once they got me back on the ball I asked for an epidural. They said ok, but that they would need to examine me first. I was found to be 4cm dilated at this point. (8.05pm) They told me the anaesthetist was in theatre and wouldn’t be able to come straight away.
I moved positions to the end of the bed (legs dangling off) Stacy sat in front of me on a stool and gave me all my encouragement and positive affirmations. In this position I was able to find a rhythm. I got my breathing down really well and with the G+A in my mouth (biting down on it) I was able to hold both hands with Stacy. Her poor hands got very very squeezed, but it helped an enormous amount! I remained like this, in my rhythm for quite a while, coping well enough.
At 9.10pm the anaesthetist arrived to do my epidural. She put a cannula into my right hand. After this was done I had the first contraction in the ‘transitional phase’ of labour. It meant I flailed around a bit, did a lot of screaming and during all this the cannula came out and blood went EVERYWHERE! Stacy was covered, the bed was covered, I was covered, I could hardly hold on to my G+A as that was so covered in blood also. It was a blood bath, literally.
They recognised the change in me, and suspected I was about to start pushing. They tried to put in another cannula in my other hand. They kept failing, kept falling out…I had 4 attempts made in my left hand before they got one in. I remember snapping at her to ‘stop faffing!!’ I had another contraction where they realised I was bearing down. She told me she was not going to do the epidural, that there wasn’t time. I was mortified.
They managed to persuade me to lay down to be examined again. I was 9cm dilated moving to 10cm dilated after another 2 minutes. I heard someone say there was an anterior lip and she began pushing it away as I had already started to push.
At this point in my labour, it seemed that everyone stopped asking for my consent for anything to happen. Hands were up inside me without warning nor explanation. There were lots of people in the room. I had no idea who any of them were or why they had been called. Someone decided I was constipated and they hooked it out manually with their fingers via the vagina. That made me scream! No one told me that was about to happen.
They also kept losing the heartbeat of the baby. This meant that for pretty much the entirety of my labour someone was pushing down on my bump with their hand trying to keep a connection. This was intolerable to me. I kept trying to push people off. One woman snapped at me ‘we have to do this because of your extra weight!’ They decided to attach a clip to the baby’s head for a better read out. They tried twice and both times it failed, so the pushing on my bump remained until the bitter end. This really was one of the worst things about it all.
I pushed for a while and they realised baby was in a very awkward position. They brought in an ultrasound machine and found her to be back to back. My pushing was having no effect in getting her through my pelvis. She began to have decelerations. At this point I had no pain relief at all. Not even gas and air. (9.30pm)
I was told they needed to turn the baby. They decided to do this with a vontouse in theatre. I was wheeled down, still pushing the whole time. (10.00)
Once in theatre, they gave me a spinal and the relief from the pain was the most divine thing ever. They used the vontouse to turn her enough to get her through my pelvis. I then pushed with all my might and got her down into the birth canal. They then used forceps to deliver her. I felt her leave my tummy. She was put on my chest and I got my first glimpse of her perfect little face. (10.27)
She came out ‘shocked’ and they wouldn’t do the delayed cord clamping. They transferred her to work on her and she started out with a low apgar score, which was at 9 by 5 minutes later. Stacy stayed with her the whole time and came back with the camera to show me photos of her.

They had performed an episiotomy and so I spent a while being stitched up. Stacy got to have lots of lovely first cuddles.

At 11.00pm we were transferred back to the delivery suite where we were left for 6 hours to enjoy her, snuggle her, give the first few feeds, have skin to skin (both of us) and a sneaky little sleep for me too. This was really special time. We called all our family and told them the news.


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Cleo is here :)

We are so happy to announce that our daughter was born on 14/10/14 at 10.27pm weighing 6lbs 12 oz 😀 Birth story to follow.

cleo 1

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Slow labour?

I’m in a bit of misery at the moment. After my false labour last Wednesday, I had the same thing happen on the Thursday. After I did the school run walk home the pain in my side was intense and the contractions were back with a vengeance. I managed to get myself upstairs with the children and 2 kindles. I plugged them in on the bed, and I lay there contracting and in pain. The pain in my side was stopping me from being able to move, and I text Stacy to come home ASAP as I really was good for nothing. I had a feeling that it would all go away and I just wanted to ride it out.
Once Stacy was home however, she could see just how much pain I was in and she wanted to call the hospital. They agreed I could stay home and let it pass. After a few hours I was able to get out of bed and come downstairs and have some dinner. The contractions did ease up as I thought they would.

I made the decision at this point to stop doing anything physical like the school run. A friend of mine offered to pick Charlie up for me in the mornings and the afternoons which is fabulous. I just have to get him up

I have had several periods of false labour ever since. A few hours of regular, painful contractions that go away with time.

Today seems worse than previous days, the contractions were actually waking me up in the night which they haven’t done before and I am losing large amounts of ‘plug’ throughout the day.

This would all be fine if it weren’t for my medications. The whole point of me being induced on Monday is so that I avoid the ‘am I? aren’t I?’ in labour. I have to have had 12 hours since my last injection before I can have an epidural. The thought of a labour without an epidural scares he hell out of me. I remember it well the point in both previous labours where I lost control of the pain and NEEDED that epidural. If I couldn’t have had it a that point, it would have been truly awful. I NEED to have the option available to me. I therefore have been missing doses of meds here there and everywhere. It has been over 24 hours since my last dose, and I am supposed to take it every 12 hours.

Stacy thinks I should see how I feel this evening and ring the hospital for advice on how to go forward from here. I doubt they will want to induce earlier than 38 weeks….but it would just end this for me.

I have also felt very stressed this week after an email from J (donor) ‘whinging’ about things. It has played on my mind all the day and made my stomach churn. I think it incredibly crass of him to bring things up so close to giving birth. I think I have mentally got past most of it now…but grrrr all the same!

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Bizarre afternoon

At about 1.30pm yesterday I started getting a searing pain in my left side at the bottom of my bump. I was also getting a lot of BH and the pain intensified with each contraction. The day before I had been playing in the garden with Rosa and a tunnel and I had fallen from a kneeling position onto my bump, but that was 24 hours before the pain started.

I rang medicom who advised me to speak to triage on delivery suite at the hospital…who said they were very busy and to go to my GP surgery instead which I did. My GP grabbed my midwife before she went home (bless her, felt awful for stopping her going home) they checked my urine and that was fine, but the pain is horrid so they sent me up to the hospital anyway.

Stacy met me there and took the children off to get some dinner while I waited. She took them home and put them to bed. I was still waiting….they finally took me though at 7.30pm and put me on a trace. As I lay on the bed my contractions were getting harder and more painful and they were perfectly regular as well. I accepted pain relief at this point. They said they were worried I was going into labour and that I was going to stay in. I rang Stacy to come back with a bag and to get someone to watch the children.

After a couple of hours, they checked my cervix, which was closed. I asked if I could go home to my own bed and they said I could as long as I came back if the pain worsened. I was so relieved to go home.

I slept well until 4am when I woke up to more contractions, they carried on until 7am when I finally drifted back off.

This morning I had a scheduled midwife appointment anyway. She said it is quite common for false labours in 3rd pregnancies. I am booked for a sweep next Friday before my induction on the Monday. I hope I don’t contract until then…plus the pain in my side was never really diagnosed. The best they could come up with was that it was a sprained ligament. Still quite sore today.

Anyway, I have a friend coming over for a natter in a bit, and then we are going to go out and have some lunch.

We are so not ready for this baby to come yet, we haven’t deep cleaned or de-cluttered enough, and my bag wasn’t packed and I haven’t finished her blanket!!!! lol

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