I have been musing a little over this topic the last day or so.
When I was a child, and a teenager, I was hardly ever naughty. I knew that when I was bad, my parents got upset. I had a very strong moral ethic and just never felt the need to rebel.
I am not sure how they achieved this with me. They did spend a lot of time with us at weekends doing fun things and spending time together. Tick. They also gave me pretty much everything I ever wanted, guitar lessons, brownies, gym club, dancing club, toys I wanted, films I wanted to see, food I liked…. in some ways people might say I spoiled. I mostly never had to fight for things. I was given a lot of freedom and lots of love and support.
They didn’t however play with me very often. It was my sister and I that created our world of play. We had a fabulous childhood together, we would spend hours engaged in imaginative play. We used to create huge towns in our playroom consisting of Sylvanian Families and Lego, playmobile etc… We would build dens, dress up, create ‘radio shows’, set up the room to become the ‘Crystal Maze’ play with Primo, Hama beads, play doh, play at being Mummy’s, I could go on forever. My sister meant everything to me as a child.
So….how do I recreate those thoughts and feeling I had as a child and teenager in my own children? We already spend a lot of time with the children, I only work 1 day a week at the moment and on that day Stacy is with them. We always go out and do something fun on our 1 day together as a family.
We have a ‘naughty step’. This is the sticky point. Because yesterday my friend told me it was a bad thing to have a naughty step. That is belittling his feelings and calling him naughty was damaging.
When we first introduced the naughty step, he was on it quite a lot. recently it is less than once a day. The mere threat of the step will halt the bad behaviour. It is quite powerful. When I do put him on the step, he stays there, sometimes crying until I let him off. We talk about why what he did was wrong, he apologises, we hug and have a snuggle and it is all forgotten and he can return to his toys and play. When we are out, we find a place that is the naughty place and carry out the same process. It really really works.
My attachment parenting ‘crunchy’ group I belong to, say this is all wrong wrong wrong. That punishment is not allowed, that time ins should replace time outs. Cuddles, love, nursing with no reprimand involved at all. Nothing is not allowed. I just can’t go with this. I am pretty crunchy, but I think there needs to be clear boundaries. Parenting of this kind has just got to be confusing, mixed messages abundant.
So we are going to continue with the naughty step. I only have to use it about once a day. There are days it doesn’t get used at all. It is working for us, he isn’t stressed out by it. If he ever shows signs of emotional distress over it, we shall try something else and re-think.
I spent £100 on a woven Oscha wrap this week!! Eek. It is beautiful, but wish I had bought it in the summer when it would have been easier to wear it out.
Charlie’s speech…..has come on leaps and bounds this week! Something has just ‘clicked’ and he is using loads more words. More and more of them are getting clearer and more obvious as to what he is saying. He is also stringing together more words and creating some amazing sentences. He has had us laughing so much this week now his thoughts are being aired and understood.
We were in the car yesterday and he said to my Mum, ‘Nana, Grandad says to you Sue, not Nana, Nana Sue!!!’ and then kept saying Sue over and over. It was so funny to all of us, an observation, being re-told at a later date in clear understandable language. Wow.
A friends child knows his full alphabet, what each letter sounds and looks like and what it stands for. I was amazed. She told me he learnt it all from a DVD. I have bought said DVD. Genius child here we come lol.
A couple of recent photos from playing outside while we picked up the leaves. It was a mild day.
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