Archive for December, 2010

>Merry Christmas!!!



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>Scary scary

>Yesterday I had the most scary moment of my life so far.
I was driving to my concert when the snow suddenly started and came down so quickly! I actually stopped the car twice and thought about going home. I carried on. I didn’t know where I was going, I was following the sat-nav. It started taking me down narrow country lanes deeper and deeper into the countryside.
I then came to a very sudden hill and I was doing 20MPH at the time and put my foot on the brakes and….nothing happened! I started to slide down the hill getting faster and faster. There was a car stopped at the bottom of the hill (he had probably just done the same thing) and my heart leapt into my mouth. I tried to stop the car by driving into the verge, but I just bounced off it and carried on. I tried to steer from side to side to try and decrease my speed, that didn’t work.
I was going to hit the car, I couldn’t do anything about it, and I was going to hit him hard.
The car in front realised I was coming down the hill and turned off to the right to get out of the way. The hill levelled out and I came to a stop about 10 metres from a T-junction.
I burst into tears.
I rang a local friend and asked how to get home without going back up the hill, she gave me directions and I drove home and missed my concert.
Lesson learnt, in England if you don’t have to go out in the snow….don’t.

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>It’s a tooth! A TOOTH!

>Last week I sang in my first xmas concert with Norwich Harmony. I asked if it was ok to being Charlie along, they said fine but take him out if he cries….I said ‘oh he never cries!’
Well come the interval he was sobbing his little heart out. It was stressful for me because I was supposed to be singing in the concert and I had managed to get Stacy into our dressing room so that he couldn’t be heard by the audience….. My MD said to me…so this is the child that never cries eh? I was mortified.
Then he had a bad night and woke up sobbing, then he had another bad night and the following day…. a TOOTH! When I discovered it, I had a tear in my eye. Why do I feel so emotional about it? I think it is a transition from tiny baby to not so little baby, he is growing up!!
I had my first weigh in at Slimming World and lost 3.5lbs, a good steady start methinks, not as dramatic as some people in their first week!
The snow is still on the ground. It is making me feel extremely Christmassy. I put ‘The Snowman’ on for Charlie and I wept all the way through it. (am I due a period or something!?!) This is such a special film from my childhood and it means a lot to me to watch it and make it a tradition for Charlie as well.
I took Charlie for a 2 mile walk in the countryside, he loves going for long walks.
We bought him a new car seat.
My Mum is really ill and was supposed to be coming tomorrow for a get together with old friends and isn’t coming now 😦 I hope she feels better soon XX

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>How he has grown!

>I know I have already posted twice today…but I was just looking though some old photos and found one of him in his chair that he was sitting in today to watch ‘The Snowman’.
Oh my how he has grown!
Not to mention the stains and crap on the chair after 6 months of use.

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>Recent developments

>Up until yesterday Charlie stayed where I put him! He didn’t roll or make any attempt to move about. Yesterday he rolled over twice. Today he has rolled over every time I have set him down. He also sat today for 25 minutes unaided. I was so proud of him. He looks so grown up sitting there on his own, reaching for his toys.
On Sunday we went and viewed the photos from his underwater shoot. They were brilliant! We ended up buying two. We are having one printed in metallic, it is rather special and we will frame that one. The other we are having printed normally so we can scan it and share it about. It cost us a small fortune though… £150!! I would really like a home studio kit so that I can take more photos as home. I looked one up online and added it to my wish list. I think my chances of receiving it are low though lol We did attempt a xmas photoshoot today, it wasn’t all that successful. I need a crisp white background with no creases in!
I am coming to the end of the first week on my Slimming World diet. I know I have lost weight as I did a sneaky weigh in this morning 😉 The last time I tried to lose weight I was really successful and lost 2 stone so I hope I can do something similar again this time.
We have got Charlie’s sperm donor coming for a visit this weekend. I am looking forward to it in some ways and dreading it in other ways. It will be lovely to see him as he was such a good friend to us, but it is also a hard thing for me to do….let him into our family, even if it is just for a day. He is usually very respectful of boundaries though so I really have nothing to worry about. Plus he is very unused to children having never really experienced them before. The last time he held Charlie it was at arms length! lol

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>My birth experience

>Two things have recently made me contemplate Charlie’s birth recently. A thread on my birth board and also a post by another blogger. To be honest up until now I didn’t really care how Charlie had come into this world, I only cared that he was here and that we were both healthy.
Now my thoughts have expanded a little and I am left feeling really rather strange about our birth.

My medical team made decisions for me that they don’t for other women. My contractions started off bearable for quite a few hours, then they got suddenly very painful and I was offered an epidural at that point. I always thought that I would have to beg for an epidural, that they would make me try other meds first. Epidural is not standard or routine in the UK. I always knew that I wanted pain relief during labour…..I am not good with pain. It took over an hour to get it and I was soooo high on the gas and air at that point, it was horrible. I could go into great detail about this because I have never ever taken drugs in my life and had no idea what it felt like to be high. The gas and air didn’t seem to do anything for the pain. I remember saying

Nothing seems real except the pain!!

I wasn’t in control in any way. I couldn’t even speak. I thought to myself don’t breathe any for a bit and then you can tell Stacy it doesn’t real right. When I came to enough to interact with the real world all I could manage was to cry and call for Stacy.

After the epidural was put in it took a good 30 mins or so to feel like I was grounded . I was in control again and I understood what was going on. I didn’t feel any pain at all for the rest of the labour and birth. I just lay there for hours progressing…..

They never let me push. I don’t know why they never even let me try to push but he was facing the wrong way and his heart rate kept dropping drastically, I guess they didn’t want to risk it. I was really looking forward to the pushing stage 😦

I was whisked off to theatre, given a spinal and my legs were clamped into horrible things while I had a forceps delivery. I lay in the theatre whilst they prepared me and I kept looking at all the faces above me trying to work out which one was Stacy. None of them were. They never told me she wasn’t there. I started to cry. A kind nurse that I had never met before asked me why I was crying. I didn’t know. Stacy appeared from somewhere, she had forgotten the camera.

They told me to push. I did not want a c-section, I knew one was coming, I knew they thought I couldn’t get him out. I only pushed twice! It was so surreal to only be birthing for around 20 seconds. They held him up above me and he was covered in blood. They took him off, Stacy followed him. They stitched me up and that was it, he was here. They never even said if he was a girl or a boy! I had to ask!!

So my feelings around my birth were that it was just strange, and mostly painless expect for about 2 hours where I experienced strong contractions. I feel rather odd about it when I remember it.

I could go on about my experiences post birth. My hospital stay, the first week or so. I know at that time I made very few blog posts. I disappeared except for a few picture ones. It was a really hard time. One for another day I think…..

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